Fluffy Lemon Noodles
HOTTEST! thing since the invention of jam.
Recruitment Status

We are accepting any exceptional applications in order to bolster our roster. We are currently 9/11 progressing on Mythic Aggramar with a best attempt of 35%.

Balance Druid
Restoration Druid
Druid
Marksmanship Hunter
Hunter
Mistweaver
Monk
Holy Paladin
Paladin
Discipline Priest
Holy Priest
Priest
Restoration Shaman
Shaman
News!

Hi, it has been a while, so this will probably be bad as I can't remember very far back.

  • Hilgert wants to reroll away from DH, a useful class, to Rogue, a class not worth stacking anymore because it isn't a soak heavy raid. BUT THE OFFICERS REROLLED WAH.
  • Before Christmas (at the last news) we were going at lightspeed at 2/11 mystical. Now with a bit of roster fixing and fighting things we are now 9/11. Bush would be so proud.
  • Connor still hasn't rerolled hello?
  • Dan has rerolled! The crowd goes wild as the reroll race has reached it's climax. And of course, Dan has picked a flavour class. Scum.
  • Christmas is still on the 25th
  • We finally have lots of Eonar trinkets! Yay!
  • Dan has managed to win WoW after years and years of trying to recruit Phallon, she has caved and is now the best holy paladin eu <3
  • Phallon got Amanthuls after like 2 Argus kills, I quit.
  • Ed got promoted to officer with the sole purpose of annoying Matt because bored.
  • Matt's reaction to this was to changed all his Monika names back to Matt related names (well, Moot) and his server became less weeby for like a week. If anyone else needs therapy let me know and I'll promote your enemy to officer for an evening!
  • Officers get all the loot Kappa
  • James rerolled his way to 980 item level, Why does Dan and Dennis always give him loot?
  • We have two raiders with a sub button now, we are basically method now good job team.
  • Fuzziey is the person with the highest mythic+ score in the guild at the moment, however, Dennis is hot on his trail as they both display their epic skills.
  • Every mythic+ week is a skittish week when Fuzziey is tanking, according to his opposition. Waiting for an official response.
  • Fortnite became a popular thing to play out of raid.
  • Bashing Fortnite for no reason also became a popular thing 4head
  • We have some serious experts of trying to fuck up 4v2s and 3v1s in squads, Lewis and Reido going ham
  • Connor decided to buy the save the world PVE of Fortnite for nearly all his gold on WoW, he did technically get a 50p discount based on wow token conversion rates.
  • Dan on a morning where he wasn't feeling particularly great ASKED OTHER PEOPLE to do arena, rather than declining people that ask.
  • James, Connor and Dan managed to get hot streak from their first 10 games, then followed it up with about 5 losses in a row good job team.
  • Due to the fact the discord servers keep having regular issues, we are having to change our server to the Russian servers. I can feel the cyka flowing already.
  • Due to the fact we are now a Russian guild, it has been requested that we change guild name to reflect this fact. Fluffy Lemon Blyats and Fluffy Gopnik Noodles are currently under consideration.
  • Because Ed is around, I should include some Rugby news to keep him entertained. England lost to Scotland because they got lucky.
  • Now I don't feel bad about football stuff! Harry Kane broke the record for goals scored in the premier league in one calendar year, and did overtake Messi to become the top scorer in Europe in 2017. Also in the news water is wet.
  • Arsenal are no longer going through their okay phase, and seem to be finding it impossible to win. The Arsenal Fan tv is :ok_hand:
  • VAR is still terrible, or it is a good idea in a sense but it is being implemented horribly. Although, I need to go to VAR for a quick review of that opinion.
  • Arsenal lost a cup final, Man City won their first trophy under Pep, does anyone care about the League Cup?
  • As of writing this, Spurs are still in the Champions League, just incase something bad happens tomorrow night, I want to include this now.
  • Emil has taken the job of being Dennis' voice on nights where he is muted, I bet he is only doing it for the officer chat access during raids!
  • The mute rank made a return, there is only a certain level of retard that can be handled during raid!
  • Senara has been confirmed by Dancer of being a man, which explains her obsession of the asses on Coven really well. 
  • I need to clarify my previous point in this PC gone mad world, girls can like butts too.
  • Jake wishes he could be a pole dancer, however, Senara's class has a one dude per class rule so he is unable to join in.
  • KFC stores across England were apparently hit by a serious chicken and gravy storage after changing suppliers. At least we still have KFC unlike Norway *shrug*
  • Dennis keeps sneaking his alts into raids "WHAT IF I NEED TO HEAL BECAUSE WE ARE SHORT" we see through your lies Dennis!
  • Since last news we have killed High Command, Eonar, Portal Keeper, Imonar, Kingaroth, Varimathras and Coven. I know it probably got given away
  • Fuzziey has already reached the heights of Swifty and doing chair streams for his loyal viewers.
  • Fuzziey is also a typical streamer boosting his friends before viewers, rigged the raffle so guild master won gg
  • Fuzziey gets all loot prio for the forseeable future because of rigged raffle ez
  • Senara is doing officer wrong, and isn't getting all the loot funnelled into her bags. There is always one dodgy officer.
  • Crabbie has returned from beyond the grave, we had a scouser slot open and who wouldn't miss us? We are delightful.
  • Dennis doesn't socket his alts correctly and expects free boosts. Officer priviledge again gg.
  • Crabbie is the reason we kill bosses as progress started being quicker when he came back, this observation was made by a neutral source, Crabbie.
  • Fluffy has gone full try hard in terms of raid comps
  • Varimathras contained 3 monks, because they are bad on that fight 4head
  • Coven raid comp involved 3 melee, 10 ranged and 1 Hilgert who let me die and ruined my log which would have been fairly okay. 
  • James is still convinced he is carrying us, we allow him to believe this as this is a safe place.
  • I watched Dennis play Arcane once, still traumatised to this day.
  • Read the above point but replace arcane with frost.
  • James has decided to label Dennis a deck of cards. Now I would love to explain what all of this means, but it literally just sounded like rambling of a madman. And we are in a safe place and we love James
  • James was reading through genders and sexualitys just after explaining this to your specialist news writer, it turns out both the words mean the same things, oh and it is all a load of nonsense FITE ME.
  • Fluffy did their second alt run of the tier, didn't quite get Bonie a second 4 set.
  • Kelsey made a random appearance in Matt's discord and somehow didn't get checked into a mental assylum, everyone give her a round of applause.
  • Japanese KFC decided to tweet James, maybe they heard of the chicken shortage? (Disclaimer: James doesn't know what nationality they are, he is guessing Japanese)
  • James is still refusing to let Mistweavers join for some reason, shame there is 4 people to overrule him! :D
  • Freddo prices are still fluctuating in England, sometimes hitting peaks of 50p! Absolutely outrageous.
  • Fuzziey is using a slutmog, which is a bit disgusting. CmonBruh no one wants to see a naked dead woman
  • Will Grigg scored a goal against Man City, knocking them out of the FA Cup and ending the quadruple dreams. Some may say, he is on fire and your defence is terrified.
  • Wigan decided that beating City wasn't enough, playing wonderwall after the game was a cheap shot, and I think a few of the fans who pitch invaded after actually tried to take a few cheap shots.
  • Crabbie has reported serious shadow priest tears based on how bad they are on the middle fights of the instance. Bring back surrender.
  • James has forced me to add tide pods to the news, please don't eat them.
  • Quote time as sponsored by Niko making a return again "I'm having size issues."-Connor 2017, just after last news.
  • "I'd go gay for me" James, very recently.
  • "This is late night with the boys"-Hilgert, 7:55am GMT.
  • Hilgert is obsessed with buying Dominoes for breakfast
  • Lewis made an unbelievable save whilst playing with Kris, the main downside is the fact they were on the same team and Lewis saved Kris' shot.
  • Phallon has decided that anyone English is called George now. I'm not sure if this is a racist comment or not. I'm contacting my lawyers!
  • Fluffy went to Coven, and did the most unfluffy thing ever and decided to learn a fight quickly, and decided to 4 shot the boss. Btw thanks for letting me die Hilgert good interrupt.
  • Dennis called Dan James, basically told Dan to kill himself according to Panda. Sad times.
  • Panda is in the news, despite stating that he doesn't need to be in the news. 
  • We recruited a shaman to replace Dan! Who instantly went afk because of some irl stuffs :( 
  • Emil is Ele main spec
  • Emil has healed our last 4 progress kills.
  • Joe is prioritising education over raiding, nerd.
  • Fuzziey won't tell us his profits on twitch, and won't give his boosters any gold rip off hello
  • James decided that a good time for alcohol is 10:30 am
  • Once, James got drunk and fell over. With help of all the paramedics in the world, he did manage to get back to his feet, then fell over again due to lack of knees.
  • Dennis' shadow priest does almost negative damage.
  • Dennis is banned from playing shadow priest.
  • Dennis is alting on Aggramar again ffs.
  • Dennis wiped the raid on Aggramar by taunting stuff when he wasn't meant to at the wrong time. There wasn't a wall in sight and still wanted to wipe us.
  • And finally as the barrell has been overly scraped. I have decided if we manage to break top 1000 on either of the next two kills (Aggramar has been killed by 823, Argus 361) I'll do something special for the next news after we kill it. And I will also try to be more monthly than I have been before. Stuff has been going on with me irl lately so been trying to focus on getting raiding right and no extra curricular stuff. Thanks guys and lets get that Bleeding Edge as soon as possible <3
Impure Ill tell you what pure racism is. I wanted to buy a box of freddo's but they don't ship it over here. hello???...
Reido Hilgert for officer
gjoran6 who cares about logs anyways?!?!?!?!

Merry Christmas!

Eusebeia a posted Dec 25, 17

You all get the same present, News! Its probably going to be terrible because I have the memory of a gold fish and no notes but lets go!

  • James lost to Lewis at rocket league, which in itself is a serious disappointment for the best player EU. He then decided to accuse Lewis of try harding, forgetting who he is clearly. For just £2 a month we can help James with his memory loss.
  • Joe still plays rocket league the same way of forgetting that it is a football game rather than bumper cars.
  • Hilgert has been known to alt f4 rocket league because bad.
  • Matt got himself raided by the police for having weapons on him. Back in Nazi Germany this would never have happened! #takebackourcountry
  • James is a self confessed dragon lover, with the great quote of "Dragons are sick" really unprovoked.
  • Hilgert continues our quotes (as sponsored by Niko, god rest his soul) "Dick pics are bis"
  • Hilgert again "Dominoes and Doritoes both begin with o"
  • In Tomb of Sargeras, we managed to not clear because everyone and their dog had to go away for the last month and a bit. Rip cutting edge dream.
  • KJ was the lowest killed boss ever (actual bosses, none of this "LOL THIS BOSS IS IMPOSSIBLE" shit from the good old days of when the game was good)
  • Going into the new raid, we are literally the only guild EU to keep to our actual raid days rather than adding an extra 14 raid days a week to push further. Enjoy your burnout!
  • We have found Coven to have mechanics that our raiders do not agree with. Like the slow and predictable saber that spins and kills you if you don't stop tunnelling.
  • We wipe on coven with the slow and predictable blade contributing. Thanks melee.
  • Ranged some how manage to stand in the slow and predictable blade. Impressive.
  • Affliction was over-performing in the first week so Blizzard decided to nerf them for mythic to make sure they aren't as strong as they currently are. The nerfs have taken them from first on the meters, to first on the meters. Life must be really hard.
  • A random guy in another guild decided to complain about the warlock tier not being great for affliction. It hurt a little to read it.
  • Dan and Connor are both currently playing the same class they played in ToS. This is a serious race to see who can reroll first! My money is on that GM that gets all his alts carried...
  • Just a quick note to all Scandanavians: Your christmas is wrong.
  • Just a quick note to all Germanic people: Your christmas is wrong.
  • Just a quick note to all American people: Your christmas is correct, but I am disappointed rather than impressed.
  • In Antorus, there is a trinket system off of the last boss Argus. And the trinkets have an extra proc if one of each proc at the same time. We have lots of all of them! Except the healer one. The healer one is letting us down. 
  • We have all of them, except the healer one!
  • Oh wait, Tommy got a healer trinket on his Paladin he never plays day one, yay!
  • We cleared Antorus heroic first week, breaking a long standing Fluffy record of never clearing a raid on heroic in the first lockout of the raid. 
  • In Darkheart Thicket, you may all know there is cats at the start that choose a random ranged and shit on their life. James assured Dan and Dennis that they were "wrong and fucking retarded" that Ursols vortex does not pull them back and prevent the damage. After some rigourous testing, James is fucking retarded and has been proven wrong! (Witness of Jake, who is a druid and will argue with James for hours)
  • After hearing fire mage talk in discord, Dan tried to reignite druid talk with the battle cry of "Druids?" to which Wulfuru (our lovely new tank) agreed "druids."
  • Varimathras definitely has a berserk. Thanks go to Lewis and myself and the pug we were in for testing this fact.
  • If you use BL at berserk, you definitely kill the boss proven fact.
  • Jakey got a rogue legendary token after getting all legendaries on his warrior. He celebrated and decided to make a rogue. Then he got a warlock legendary on his warrior whilst his rogue wasn't max level. Then he got a priest legendary and gave up on all his alts as it just wasn't worth it anymore.
  • Dennis decided that 906 was high enough for a dht 15 on Tyrannical, and managed to only die once all dungeon and that was due to the cats on the first pull. If only there was a druid to vortex them back.
  • Bonie's dk joined our only alt run of the tier so far (See that other guilds? ALT RUN, not split run.) and managed to get a nice little 4 set for himself.
  • Bonie wasn't aware that dks had a spell called dancing rune weapon which the set buffed. it was longer than a 2 minute cooldown, it didn't go in his macro.
  • Windwanker has gone from a mediocre spec, to the only ones challenging the Affli locks at the top of the rankings. You can't do it guys affli is fucked up but keep trying anyway!
  • Method managed to get world first Argus Mythic. They kept ddosing our healers lives so they were never available. Fucking method man.
  • People on the MMO forums don't grasp the meaning of the word classic, seemingly thinking it means "VANILLA COMPLETELY UNTOUCHED OTHERWISE IT ISN'T CLASSIC" whereas the word classic doesn't mean that. Unless blizzard state that, which they haven't. I know I'm perdantic but its the most retarded shit since "Brexit means Brexit" which is a completely different tangent I could go off on.
  • The Happy is the dk meme is still living on, you can even hear the tense silence shortly after anyone says the word "Happy" in a channel, followed by either a sigh of relief or a "YOU'RE NOT HAPPY, HAPPY IS A DK"
  • Innovate memes have also not died, which is a testament to how many questionable things he did.
  • Connor has played a bit of holy pala LuL
  • Connor joined a raid to practice holy pala, and did so in ret spec LuL
  • Connor can't raid wednesdays, despite attending half our wednesday runs LuL
  • james wasn't aware that fishfingers contained fish, which is the most mind boggling thing since Dan didn't know cheesecake contained cheese.
  • Riyzom resubbed! He survived a week, before joining a raid. He uninstalled after 2 bosses FeelsBadMan
  • A group of people in the guild had a guild meet up in Glasgow (Why go to a shithole? May as well went manchester would have been cheaper probably).
  • The group of people started calling eachother by real names, which is definitely wrong as Miicas is definitely still Miicas, and Impure will always be my little Impure.
  • Btw, christmas is still the 25th.
  • Arsenal are going through their okay phase they have ever year, meaning AFTV content has dried up a bit. It's a shame but it always gets spicy later on in the year.
  • Shaman is possibly the worst hps healer at the moment!
  • Shaman is still manditory, but I thought healing was about getting huge dick hps and not keeping people alive?
  • Method used a Holy pala, disc priest and Resto shaman to kill Argus, which includes the two lowest hps healers in mythic right now. Why not just take a holy priest and resto druid it would have died quicker, hello?
  • Joe's mum called his dungeon group tossers for laughing at the question "Are you coming?"
  • In Antorus, they seemingly removed any real dps checks, does that mean we have started 1 shotting all bosses because we can focus on mechanics? Read the guild name that will answer it.
  • The banner is still the same by the way, 2 of th characters there still raid, two are casuals and one is playing cross realm that is more than enough to keep it relevent.
  • Doki Doki literature club still occasionally gets brought up, even though it is mainly Lewis. This is why we can't have nice things.
  • Harry Kane is probably going to break a goal scoring record tomorrow. And could be the highest scorer in europe for 2017 if he gets two. Not bad for a one season wonder.
  • Forgot to mention, Spurs made the group of death look like a joke in the Champions League. Real Madrid? More like Real shit amirite?!
  • Hilgert has made it his life goal to hear the statement "The *insert class here* mage tower challenge is really easy" and then proceed to make that challenge look like the hardest thing since Joe's dick in the DHT run.
  • Senara managed to survive a trip to Japan without becoming a full on weeb! Zomg!
  • Dan overheard that Adam refers to him to his close friends as the "gay zombie friend". The best memes are the old memes that survive years of history <3
  • Raiding was still fucking easy in vanilla compared to now. Just wanted everyone to know. "How old are you btw?" Old enough to know there were more one button specs then than there are now!
  • The talent tree still gave you less choice than most talent selections now, but there was more of them so it was much more customisable :thinking:
  • As much as I'd like to bash on Vanilla for the rose tinted glassed fan boys, I'll end on a positive note. We have finally started using RC Loot Council, moving away from EPGP loot master. This is a sad sad day for the guild, but it is great we have finally moved on to the modern day, rather than trying to play in TBC.

Thank you all for continuing to support the guild either through raiding, plebbing about, popping in to say hello once in a while or even helping out in Mythic+ when Dan or Dennis ask you to. You are all part of this community and is what keeps it going! Merry Christmas to all of you and we hope you all have a very Happy New Year from the Fluffy Officer team.

Panda James proven wrong? must be a dream
Kelebrindal You forgot the one where James didn't know fish fingers was actually made from fish
Daenea James accused Lewis of try-harding?? Wut? He always said that try-harding isn't a thing :&lt;

Not Quite Monthly News!

Eusebeia a posted Oct 25, 17

It would have been monthly if we killed Maiden a couple of days quicker!

  • Although we don't like to speak ill of the dead (unless they become a meme). Journals made two mistakes during his stay. He bet Dennis about a mythic+ mechanic, rookie error. Secondly, he made the statement "ww monk topped during EN" as if Shadow priest didn't exist. And the fact WW wasn't second either!
  • During a late night run of Emerald Nightmare, James and Ed were having their own little adventure picking flowers and killing tentacles whilst we sat at Cenarius. I wish I got to see James having PTSD from the Wailing Caverns quest.
  • During a Nighthold normal 5 man run, Ed filled  the important role of "mechanics bitch" doing anything we didn't want to do. There's a good lad.
  • Ed's brother may have broken up with his girlfriend (Its alright, we are all here for you as nerds.) however, his way of dealing with it was to get himself drunk, and remind us he had been drinking a lot. Drunk btw haHA
  • Lewis was hacked by the way, deleting all of his characters except the one he wanted to play, and 3 characters that had mail on. The definition of hacked has been changed though to mean "logged onto my own account" haHA
  • Hilgert likes women with beards, pass it on.
  • Pawlie is the silent assassin with meming. He will sit quietly in a channel for hours, until he randomly pops up with an Innovate meme. Good lad.
  • Lewis made memes about himself being caught, a vast contrast to the "I'm going to kill myself" tone he had just after he got moved out of the officer channel.
  • Hilgert decided to redefine "doing my paper." It now means pugging normal Nighthold whilst asking us to do it for him. Ezpz.
  • Dan and Chris beat Lewis and Miicas 10-0 in a rocket league private match. The teams seem unfair, until you realise one team wasn't allowed to use boost.
  • hint: it was the winning team.
  • According to popular rumours, Sups took 2.3mil healers to Maiden mythic and they each did 3hps. Some serious skill on display right there.
  • On Mistress we have almost learnt to start single targetting so we are all fully focusing on our single target abilities like divine storm AMIRITE CHRIS?!
  • Hilgert failed to spell youtube correctly.
  • According to studies in James' universities, it doesn't count as sniping if it isn't intentional *insert the Roll Safe meme here*
  • Hilgert decided it was necessary to wowprogress a 946 guy for a pug group. "But Dan, gear is easy to get now he could be bad." Correct, but it might be a bit overboard for a +2
  • During a random night where James and Co. didn't want to sleep, people discovered Doki Doki Literature club, and has led to Matt being even more weeby than ever before!
  • "THIS IS IT" Hilgert just before getting Kil'Jaedens Burning Wish. 
  • "STUPID LEGGO" Hilgert after getting Kil'Jaedens Burning Wish.
  • "I've sapped it already dudes"-Hilgert just before breaking stealth and ninja pulling the pack he had just sapped. 
  • "It's time to get up now darling I've made you fish fingers"- Miicas to James after waking him up with a phone call for ToS normal run.
  • Bonie has started streaming, and has blessed us with some belly dancing and showing us some nipple action. That's the type of bobs I'm looking for Kreygasm.
  • Dennis has become a sexual deviant staring at twitchy bobs all night long!
  • Miicas, Hilgert, Connor and Chris all managed to go on a girls stream and get themselves banned by spamming "Open boobs". Good job guys.
  • Panda got blocked by a girl for calling her bad.
  • The girl in question was going to equip a 900 Sentinal medallion over her much better VH trinket, but Dan is the weird one for saying she is too retarded to be attractive.
  • A group of us ended up watching an animal stream for a while, making pussy on pussy action jokes, and Feral druid jokes, and Abby beating the shit out of James jokes, and watching a cute pug get stuck in a flower pot. Best stream ever.
  • Just kidding, my boy 0oTacocato0 was mowing his lawn, and showing off his sweet fern bushes. That was the best stream ever. Dennis would agree, but there was a bob stream going on somewhere.
  • Riyzom changed name a few more times, then quit the game FeelsBadMan
  • After many years of struggles, many heartbreaks, much blood such sweat many tears, Phallon has put a character in our guild. So whenever you see Phoebiee online, make sure to ask when she is going to start raiding with us because Dan didn't even convince her it was fucking Vrathy asking her.
  • Discojukka came back to take the mantle of Impure's senpai, after Senpai left because Joe was a baddie. Gods sake Joe.
  • Abby works too much, and needs a new job!
  • Cdew managed to get to Blizzcon! He is casting the Arena's PogChamp!
  • Automaticjak struggled to 1 chest a Seat 17 after farming 20s comfortably all night. But Seat is fine and doesn't need a nerf 4head
  • Mistress has died because we decided that being bad wasn't fun. Maiden died too, we stopped being bad for 4 minutes, almost as if thats what the officers said needed to happen for a kill :thinking:
  • Bonie's Ret macro spazzes out whenever he presses it, I never knew I had epilepsy until Bonie streamed some wheelchair gameplay.
  • Panda didn't get promoted to officer after his 2 weeks notice, and has gone to another guild as they will give him officership when he asks. Best of luck buddy!
  • Xades' is still wanting bacon for food, and Dan wants herbs for runes. Water is wet as well. 
  • Jakey has many memes available for invites every day, making Dan's inviting experience much more fun. Disco is also a regular memer too which is why he is an excellent fit.
  • Dennis keeps mentioning rerolling to mage. What a nerd why would any officer reroll to mage for anything amirite?
  • Dan has permanently crossed out Austria, Germany and Netherlands on his world map as none of these countries are familiar with the concept of popcorn chicken. If anyone else lives in part of Satan's land let me know so I can cross you out on my map too. It's hard to find these all alone.
  • Following up from the previous news, Eni Aluko managed to get the England manager sacked for dropping her, but the new manager still won't pick her! Woo that was successful.
  • The English media are still trying to pretend women's sport is competitive.
  • Spurs Drew at the Bernabeu after being written off and look like they will probably get through their group. YEAH FUCK OFF.
  • When Dan talks about football, there is now like 4 people that understand what he is saying, yay!
  • Whenever Arsenal lose, 3 of the officers spend their night watching Arsenal Fan TV together which has taught Jake some voodoo of "TIKITAKATIKITAKA". 
  • Liverpool don't have defensive issues, but conceded 4 goals againts Spurs that were defensive errors.
  • Hilgert said Man City play boring football, winning every game probably would get boring after a while fair enough. 
  • Ronaldo won world player of the year despite the fact Messi was much better than him, and statistically Harry Kane was better than him too. But its fine, it's who you play for not what you achieve personally.
  • Back to WoW news, Dennis playing disc is a true sight to behold, and can deplete any key you can dream of depleting! Or well, not entirely him but he will contribute!
  • Connor and Chris have a new pastime of slow falling demonhunters hoping they will dc themselves. It works most of the time sadly.
  • Orchel joined one of our heroic runs returning to his roots. Good lad.
  • Connor still hasn't rerolled despite the fact he has started asking to. Delete your characters works 100% of the time.
  • Dan got to run a pug with 2 wisdoms Kreygasm
  • Dan averages higher than James in normal ToS despite the fact James is the best in the world PogChamp
  • Dan ranked third in the world on Desolate host normal. I know Jakey gets page one on pretty much every boss, but I dont do it often let me have my moment!
  • Disco got page one on Maiden PogChamp
  • When Maiden died, it seems the general consensus is that lots of people were too busy focusing to realise it had died. Enjoying the fight so much we didn't want it to end!
  • We still haven't cancelled a raid since last news. Dicks out for continued raiding!
Wallflower DOKI DOKI LITERATURE CLUB IS AMAZING, EVERYONE NEEDS TO PLAY IT
Miicas Hype

I can't play wow, so I'll write about it instead!

  • Lewis has made it known that he has died on all progress kills so far, coincidence? I think so!
  • Impure was recently offered the bench and turned it down, I feel this needs to be public knowledge next time he memes.
  • We killed lots of bosses, about 23 progress bosses since last news in fact. Normal does count as progress, right?
  • We have decided to regress on Kil'Jaeden heroic, as we can't seem to kill him on any given Friday night, we suck yay!
  • Dan hasn't succeeded in bringing Phallon back, but has succeeded in recruiting everyone else and their dog to the current team so we have a lot of people.
  • Jake tanks still occasionally lul where is your chicken now?!
  • Dat boi returned, meaning Jake tanks less than he used to, get your chicken out!
  • The other Dat boi left, coincidence? Has anyone ever seen them in the same room?!
  • Riyzom decided to take a break from raiding. You will be dearly missed.
  • Since that break, he has missed a few raids, where have I heard a break going wrong before :thinking:
  • Dan was part of KJ heroic progress and Goroth Mystical progress. Ah thats where I heard it from.
  • Dan killed KJ heroic about 4 days before the guild, get on my level scrubs.
  • James was caught drying his wet pussy at night with a hair dryer. If anyone wants context feel free to ask.
  • Careful guys
  • Careful
  • Careful
  • 12 stacks Cmon guys!
  • We cancelled a raid
  • Riyzom changed his name
  • We cancelled a raid
  • Riyzom changed his name
  • We cancelled a raid
  • Riyzom changed his name
  • We cancelled a raid
  • Riyzom still can't afford a mic :thinking:
  • Lewis finally got Sephuz, killing the meme and instantly no one cares about his sephuz.
  • Neymar cost some average french football team 200 million euros.
  • Whilst Dan was writing the last point, Neymar earnt about 10 euros give or take.
  • Dan wishes he was joking...
  • Arsenal have been great guys and decided to continue being shit in order to give us all more episodes of our favourite tv series: Arsenal Fan TV: Blud Fam Blud.
  • Panda main tanked a boss fight! Zomg PogChamp
  • Panda is never allowed to tank again.
  • Dennis beat Innovate on adds on Harjatan, add holy paladin to the list of specs stronger than havoc
  • Wisdom is fought over heavily in healer chat, especially as we now have 2 wisdoms to fight for!
  • People actually watched Mayweather vs McGregor, despite the fact literally everyone knew A: what was going to happen and B: all the hype before it was staged. People enjoy wasting money I guess *Shrug* 
  • James has admitted to being a woman, good lass.
  • Bonie is offering up his sister for marriage, /w him for more details.
  • Dps is still really inbalanced, because of this Joe is benched for playing frost c:
  • Argus was released, meaning more "optional" content, kill me.
  • Netherlight Crucible has added another layer of RNG on top of all current RNG. I like it this way, we might have to start calling Diablo WoW simulator soon if they add more RNG to it (BRING BACK REFORGING YOU PRICKS I NEED MORE CRIT/MASTERY!)
  • Xades still needs bacon, someone asked the other day as if we suddenly stopped using feasts :thinking:
  • We decided to actually recruit people, meaning we don't cancel anymore. Don't you hate it when the officers prevent you from sleeping at 8pm like a good little boy/girl.
  • Dan rerolled, where have I heard this one before? Don't give me that "It was for the good of the raid team we don't have a shaman" crap!
  • Dan's got an 100% kill rating on sisters when he has had wisdom. Just putting that out there (Hit me up Amembor/Connor)
  • According to a recent survey, the best trinket in game is the Engine of Eradication from maiden, followed closely by Fluctuating energy from Mana Devourer. Mmm balls in and around your face...
  • Rocket League is back bois! I can hear the Eddie G posters going back up on walls across the world!
  • Civ got played this one time, like, twice. 
  • Diablo managed to make a return for a month, Blizzard added necromancer and made it over powered so people would buy it, now it has started to die again rip.
  • Dan decided that having a nice rant about how parses mean fuck all on Desolate host was a good idea, the boss died within the next few attempts. Maybe we should all listen to Dan c:
  • There is a vod of Dan speaking, and he is disciplining all members for not telling him that he sounds like an absolute nob over headset.
  • With Argus, there was a new dungeon added. Seat of the crippled or something. Don't do it, it's a trap.
  • Dennis begs for loot in officer chat when he isn't loot master, I've got my eye on you Dennis!
  • Wtf is mythic+ karma? No serious does anyone actually know?
  • During Mistress progression, our boy Axurliz joined the channel on our best pull asking what we was doing, how it was going, letting us know what he was doing. Good lad! This is why we don't take drugs kids!
  • During the same night, an absolutely smashed Jakeyploops joined discord and seemingly started a relationship with Axurliz, I hope it goes well for them!
  • Pawlie actually had the audacity to question whether Dan's dh was capable of pushing a 13 maw, its my best mythic+ character ffs! D:
  • On mistress this reset, there was only 3 runes available as we didn't really expect to have an hour at her on a wednesday (good job guys, proud of you). The runes went to a very exclusive selection of players.
  • One of the players left after 1 pull of using rune due to 300+ ms, please hang me.
  • Connor returned to the guild, James wanted more wisdom (which he doesn't even get lul)
  • Jorge is back, meaning "Wauw, Jorge" can be said more often. 
  • Jorge's character is called Ayíli, meaning we can continue with "Wauw Jorge" memes forever
  • Arzoak has informed me that NL 14 is not fun with teeming. Sounds like you need Jesus!
  • Journals, our new trial, is a legend according to Journals, our new trial.
  • James did this thing on divinity where he rained and stunned his group. Sounds like a James thing to do tbh.
  • Lewis has made his own mixtape, and is hanging around on street corners in dalaran telling people to check out his mixtape.
  • Dan has received some fantastic friend requests lately. Whilst leveling a new character he received one from Manlover who instantly called him "babe" and during Mistress progression LadyHardon also added him. At least that one was less random.
  • Connor has been back nearly a month now and still hasn't rerolled, he must be ill or something!
  • Wayneruney has won the award for best name in the guild. So much appreciation for that Basso 10/10
  • Women's sport is still irrelevent, even with Eni Aluko trying to cause drama in Englands football because she got dropped LuL
  • Belgium women beat Moldova 12-0, surely at some point one of the moldovans just say "right we are off"?
  • Dennis is still racist against Belgians, and was outraged by this result.
  • Spurs beat Dortmund after being instantly written off after their group was drawn. YEAH FUCK OFF.
  • James married Miicas, I am told it was a lovely ceremony on some second rate mmo.
  • Jakey and Panda are still not officers despite the fact both of them have put in their 2 weeks notice about 4 months ago. Da fuq?
  • Senara spoke one time, Jake made a joke. This is why females mute in our raids.
  • Oneshotyoyoyoyoyo changed his name to Mexx, presumably to avoid confusion when the words "one shot" are said. Obviously "mexxed full no trinket" is still available for us to use though.
  • Fluffy Lemon Noodles late night stool and rope shopping became a thing when we was all at a low point. its a shame Lewis didn't go through with it c:
  • Bullying Lewis is our new favourite pastime, although it is all out of love!
  • Senara doesn't know what popcorn chicken is, if anyone wants to put her on ignore that is completely understandable. 
  • Senara has strong feelings that salted is the only real popcorn and "don't want any of that sweet shit" in her life.
  • Vrathman returned to raid, every raid needs its own regular drunk.
  • On mistress progression, certain players now make reely finny fish jokes to annoy certain people. They shore are boring!
  • James tried to get Dota into the news when I asked for news help. I'm not that fucking desperate jesus.
  • Automatic Jak had to go off the panel in the Mythic+ tourney to bash one out when some disc priests come on. 
  • Havoc is bad in mythic+, but nearly all successful teams had one. Imagine being that good at the game you can win matches whilst still meming?
  • Our boy Sups made an appearance in the tourney, one of the people that decided not to sleep need to let us know what happened.
  • I'm going to end the news on the saddest bit of news over the last few months. After lots of blood, sweat, tears, streams, salt, bitching about bugs, a wedding, and washed up jokes. Cdew has finally failed to get to a blizzcon, meaning the owen five dreams are dead. No Boetar to shit on his life with the bubble at 2% health, or well, Boetar probably got to blizzcon because he isn't washed up but still. Dicks out for Dew.
  • Did I miss something? Write your own news you needing prick!
Impure Will happily stop bench meme if that fucking happy meme stops.
LesRog Just waiting for Blizzard to announce Ogre's as a playable race...
Wallflower Rip Chuck, blizzcon will not be the same &lt;3

The Monthly News Return!

Eusebeia a posted Jun 14, 17

Apparently when I was drunk or something, I agreed to write news when we killed Guldan mythic. I hate when you guys actually meet my expectations...

  • Elisande died, ezpz!
  • Dan got a 925 tier head off Elisande. Love it when the reliable players get the best luck.
  • Dan rerolled the mage on Gul'dan. Connor is that you?
  • After lots more effort. More blood, swear and tears. We managed to poach more ex-ruined raiders. Don't worry Dan still hasn't poached Phallon back that would make too much sense. Welcome Innovate and Zoee!
  • Innovate is bringing his own little army with him, apparently he wants a fanclub to support him as we kill stuff!
  • Innovate decided to pretend he had transferred to make Zoee transfer then told her he lied. She was mad bruh it was hillarious LuL
  • We have a new priest, Connor decided to do something useful and give him the nickname of Lewroll. 
  • James and Jake are in need of some marriage saving. Their arguments have been getting rather heated in officer chat. 
  • James and Jake both usually pass Maf around like a joint "I've done the maf!" is their point all the time :(
  • Riyzom has chosen to leave us, here are some of his best quotes: "Ok." "Sure." "Not atm".
  • James used to go outside on tuesdays, I don't think he has since the last news where I said he had.
  • Lord Buckethead run for Maidenhead as a candidate. He was faced with stiff competition from Elmo and the representive from the raving monster loony party. Oh and the Prime Minister was there too.
  • Theresa May looked disappointed when Lord Buckethead's votes got counted out, as if that was the biggest fail of the Election.
  • The opposition leaders didn't have it easy either, The Lib Dem leader had to deal with Mr Fish Finger and Jeremy Corbyn had to defeat the monster raving loony party as well as some communists. 
  • UKIP got no seats lol.
  • Germany and France have said "Guys you don't have to brexit if you change your minds". The french then went on to beat England 3-2 in a "friendly" to asert their dominance. 
  • Still can't say the word happy. Early observations show the new guys are going to struggle settling in.
  • Apparently, after over 200 wipes on Gul'dan (lol Gul'dan, we killed him a lot I mean the *spoiler* in the last phase) We finally splattered the *spoiler*! It was a momentus day for the guild.
  • Riyzom left the guild seconds after the kill dream is dead. 
  • Xades Sacrificed himself for the kill, that is true dedication.
  • Senara's real name spreadsheet needs some updating as we have some new members whose real names we already know. If anyone needs help I've got some pointers.
  • After long and tedious arguments, James and Jake could not come to a consensus on whether 4% was a big or small number.
  • Dan found out Oblivion is backwards compatible on Xbox One, and announces he is taking a break from raiding hmmmm :thinking:
  • Dan announced he is taking a few month break from raiding, abort abort the sky is falling we are all going to die!
  • Why don't we use plug dj anymore? Nothing gets us in the mood for raiding like guild bonding over Champagne Supernova.
  • With the football season ending, Arsenal Fan TV is dead. Its okay though, they will bid £100mil for Mbappe to continue the bants!
  • Arsene Wenger is staying, 2 more years boys 2 more years!
  • Dan got another Chvrches album, still listening to them on repeat 90% of the time.
  • Jake might not be main tank anymore FeelsBadMan
  • Last news I made a point in saying world quests give 2 mil ap now. LuL I can get 10mil ez now gg.
  • All of the raid team had concordance in our last raid.
  • All of them.
  • Except one.
  • Fuck you Emil.
  • Exhumed has declined our requests to make an ASMR channel, but instead seems to be making a series based on playing wow and speaking. That'll do, donkey.
  • Emil has still continued to accumilate legendaries over all of his characters. Then there is Dan, who would give a testicle for the frost bracers.
  • For the last 2 wednesdays, we have killed 0 bosses. Wow we are on a downward spiral as a guild gg unsubbing.
  • Research got capped at 40, because having world quests for about 100mil would apparently be stupid or something?! DansGame
  • On fridays we kill heroic bosses still, and people have fits of laughter for minimal reasons. Wai you alwais high?
  • Shadow priest is finally trash, they did it boys project fear won gg.
  • Windwalker is bad too Kappa.
  • Dan still hasn't removed the team two ranks from the guild. Gg really organised.
  • After some simple math. As Dan is bad at disc but averages 87% on heroic. 87% is the benchmark for bad. Aim from 88% or you are a certified baddie.
  • James still can't beat Panda on Krosus despite being a pro feral.
  • It took the officer team 30 minutes to decide what to do with the mount, in which Dennis just ninja'd it gg reported.
  • James runs through fire "Prydaz Moight" is his response.
  • An old member that left because we kept talking over him whispered Dennis congratulating him on his mount. Rigged!
  • It's all rigged I'm telling you!
  • Dan is the best healer in the guild as he got the best healing percentile on Gul'dan. WHERE ARE YOUR NUMBERS NOW, JAMES?!
  • We still have no confirmation on whether hamroll is a serious insult or whether it is just something you say to people when you are hungry in a public place with no food available? Any new thoughts?
  • Fun observation from logs when Dan was playing disc: Dan beat Markus on add damage in the last phase of Gul'dan. Insert Tunnel.png
  • Shakkho is still professional hots carry, and actually gives people invites instead of being selfish! >:(
  • Jakey had his time of month on Gul'dan, it was a pretty messy occasion on Gul'dan. This is what happens when Dennis is rude all the time.
  • We are still waiting for an influx of old players to return for the new tier, but we are just getting lots of new people wanting to join whats going on :thinking:
  • Our most geared player was 917 on Gul'dan and the lowest was 900. A literal difficulty difference :thinkyface: 
  • Dan is too tired to write more words. See if I write it monthly I'm scraping the barrel quicker and I have less to say!

Also, remember future news can still be written by me, but you need to force the other officers to tell me what happens in your raids until I'm back <3

Maharet news names??? i haven't heard of anything and i'm still not in the real name club...
Cugoth Gratz on the green guy in a hoodie killerino
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