Fluffy Lemon Noodles
HOTTEST! thing since the invention of jam.
Recruitment Status

We are accepting any exceptional applications in order to bolster our roster. We are currently 7/11 progressing on Mythic Varimathras.

Frost Death Knight
Unholy Death Knight
D. Knight
Havoc Demon Hunter
Demon Hunter
Balance Druid
Feral Druid
Druid
Beast Mastery Hunter
Marksmanship Hunter
Survival Hunter
Hunter
Arcane Mage
Fire Mage
Frost Mage
Mage
Windwalker
Monk
Holy Paladin
Retribution Paladin
Paladin
Assassination Rogue
Outlaw
Subtlety Rogue
Rogue
Elemental Shaman
Enhancement Shaman
Shaman
Affliction Warlock
Demonology Warlock
Destruction Warlock
Warlock
Arms Warrior
Fury Warrior
Warrior
News!

Merry Christmas!

Eusebeia a posted Dec 25, 17

You all get the same present, News! Its probably going to be terrible because I have the memory of a gold fish and no notes but lets go!

  • James lost to Lewis at rocket league, which in itself is a serious disappointment for the best player EU. He then decided to accuse Lewis of try harding, forgetting who he is clearly. For just £2 a month we can help James with his memory loss.
  • Joe still plays rocket league the same way of forgetting that it is a football game rather than bumper cars.
  • Hilgert has been known to alt f4 rocket league because bad.
  • Matt got himself raided by the police for having weapons on him. Back in Nazi Germany this would never have happened! #takebackourcountry
  • James is a self confessed dragon lover, with the great quote of "Dragons are sick" really unprovoked.
  • Hilgert continues our quotes (as sponsored by Niko, god rest his soul) "Dick pics are bis"
  • Hilgert again "Dominoes and Doritoes both begin with o"
  • In Tomb of Sargeras, we managed to not clear because everyone and their dog had to go away for the last month and a bit. Rip cutting edge dream.
  • KJ was the lowest killed boss ever (actual bosses, none of this "LOL THIS BOSS IS IMPOSSIBLE" shit from the good old days of when the game was good)
  • Going into the new raid, we are literally the only guild EU to keep to our actual raid days rather than adding an extra 14 raid days a week to push further. Enjoy your burnout!
  • We have found Coven to have mechanics that our raiders do not agree with. Like the slow and predictable saber that spins and kills you if you don't stop tunnelling.
  • We wipe on coven with the slow and predictable blade contributing. Thanks melee.
  • Ranged some how manage to stand in the slow and predictable blade. Impressive.
  • Affliction was over-performing in the first week so Blizzard decided to nerf them for mythic to make sure they aren't as strong as they currently are. The nerfs have taken them from first on the meters, to first on the meters. Life must be really hard.
  • A random guy in another guild decided to complain about the warlock tier not being great for affliction. It hurt a little to read it.
  • Dan and Connor are both currently playing the same class they played in ToS. This is a serious race to see who can reroll first! My money is on that GM that gets all his alts carried...
  • Just a quick note to all Scandanavians: Your christmas is wrong.
  • Just a quick note to all Germanic people: Your christmas is wrong.
  • Just a quick note to all American people: Your christmas is correct, but I am disappointed rather than impressed.
  • In Antorus, there is a trinket system off of the last boss Argus. And the trinkets have an extra proc if one of each proc at the same time. We have lots of all of them! Except the healer one. The healer one is letting us down. 
  • We have all of them, except the healer one!
  • Oh wait, Tommy got a healer trinket on his Paladin he never plays day one, yay!
  • We cleared Antorus heroic first week, breaking a long standing Fluffy record of never clearing a raid on heroic in the first lockout of the raid. 
  • In Darkheart Thicket, you may all know there is cats at the start that choose a random ranged and shit on their life. James assured Dan and Dennis that they were "wrong and fucking retarded" that Ursols vortex does not pull them back and prevent the damage. After some rigourous testing, James is fucking retarded and has been proven wrong! (Witness of Jake, who is a druid and will argue with James for hours)
  • After hearing fire mage talk in discord, Dan tried to reignite druid talk with the battle cry of "Druids?" to which Wulfuru (our lovely new tank) agreed "druids."
  • Varimathras definitely has a berserk. Thanks go to Lewis and myself and the pug we were in for testing this fact.
  • If you use BL at berserk, you definitely kill the boss proven fact.
  • Jakey got a rogue legendary token after getting all legendaries on his warrior. He celebrated and decided to make a rogue. Then he got a warlock legendary on his warrior whilst his rogue wasn't max level. Then he got a priest legendary and gave up on all his alts as it just wasn't worth it anymore.
  • Dennis decided that 906 was high enough for a dht 15 on Tyrannical, and managed to only die once all dungeon and that was due to the cats on the first pull. If only there was a druid to vortex them back.
  • Bonie's dk joined our only alt run of the tier so far (See that other guilds? ALT RUN, not split run.) and managed to get a nice little 4 set for himself.
  • Bonie wasn't aware that dks had a spell called dancing rune weapon which the set buffed. it was longer than a 2 minute cooldown, it didn't go in his macro.
  • Windwanker has gone from a mediocre spec, to the only ones challenging the Affli locks at the top of the rankings. You can't do it guys affli is fucked up but keep trying anyway!
  • Method managed to get world first Argus Mythic. They kept ddosing our healers lives so they were never available. Fucking method man.
  • People on the MMO forums don't grasp the meaning of the word classic, seemingly thinking it means "VANILLA COMPLETELY UNTOUCHED OTHERWISE IT ISN'T CLASSIC" whereas the word classic doesn't mean that. Unless blizzard state that, which they haven't. I know I'm perdantic but its the most retarded shit since "Brexit means Brexit" which is a completely different tangent I could go off on.
  • The Happy is the dk meme is still living on, you can even hear the tense silence shortly after anyone says the word "Happy" in a channel, followed by either a sigh of relief or a "YOU'RE NOT HAPPY, HAPPY IS A DK"
  • Innovate memes have also not died, which is a testament to how many questionable things he did.
  • Connor has played a bit of holy pala LuL
  • Connor joined a raid to practice holy pala, and did so in ret spec LuL
  • Connor can't raid wednesdays, despite attending half our wednesday runs LuL
  • james wasn't aware that fishfingers contained fish, which is the most mind boggling thing since Dan didn't know cheesecake contained cheese.
  • Riyzom resubbed! He survived a week, before joining a raid. He uninstalled after 2 bosses FeelsBadMan
  • A group of people in the guild had a guild meet up in Glasgow (Why go to a shithole? May as well went manchester would have been cheaper probably).
  • The group of people started calling eachother by real names, which is definitely wrong as Miicas is definitely still Miicas, and Impure will always be my little Impure.
  • Btw, christmas is still the 25th.
  • Arsenal are going through their okay phase they have ever year, meaning AFTV content has dried up a bit. It's a shame but it always gets spicy later on in the year.
  • Shaman is possibly the worst hps healer at the moment!
  • Shaman is still manditory, but I thought healing was about getting huge dick hps and not keeping people alive?
  • Method used a Holy pala, disc priest and Resto shaman to kill Argus, which includes the two lowest hps healers in mythic right now. Why not just take a holy priest and resto druid it would have died quicker, hello?
  • Joe's mum called his dungeon group tossers for laughing at the question "Are you coming?"
  • In Antorus, they seemingly removed any real dps checks, does that mean we have started 1 shotting all bosses because we can focus on mechanics? Read the guild name that will answer it.
  • The banner is still the same by the way, 2 of th characters there still raid, two are casuals and one is playing cross realm that is more than enough to keep it relevent.
  • Doki Doki literature club still occasionally gets brought up, even though it is mainly Lewis. This is why we can't have nice things.
  • Harry Kane is probably going to break a goal scoring record tomorrow. And could be the highest scorer in europe for 2017 if he gets two. Not bad for a one season wonder.
  • Forgot to mention, Spurs made the group of death look like a joke in the Champions League. Real Madrid? More like Real shit amirite?!
  • Hilgert has made it his life goal to hear the statement "The *insert class here* mage tower challenge is really easy" and then proceed to make that challenge look like the hardest thing since Joe's dick in the DHT run.
  • Senara managed to survive a trip to Japan without becoming a full on weeb! Zomg!
  • Dan overheard that Adam refers to him to his close friends as the "gay zombie friend". The best memes are the old memes that survive years of history <3
  • Raiding was still fucking easy in vanilla compared to now. Just wanted everyone to know. "How old are you btw?" Old enough to know there were more one button specs then than there are now!
  • The talent tree still gave you less choice than most talent selections now, but there was more of them so it was much more customisable :thinking:
  • As much as I'd like to bash on Vanilla for the rose tinted glassed fan boys, I'll end on a positive note. We have finally started using RC Loot Council, moving away from EPGP loot master. This is a sad sad day for the guild, but it is great we have finally moved on to the modern day, rather than trying to play in TBC.

Thank you all for continuing to support the guild either through raiding, plebbing about, popping in to say hello once in a while or even helping out in Mythic+ when Dan or Dennis ask you to. You are all part of this community and is what keeps it going! Merry Christmas to all of you and we hope you all have a very Happy New Year from the Fluffy Officer team.

Panda James proven wrong? must be a dream
Kelebrindal You forgot the one where James didn't know fish fingers was actually made from fish
Daenea James accused Lewis of try-harding?? Wut? He always said that try-harding isn't a thing :&lt;

Not Quite Monthly News!

Eusebeia a posted Oct 25, 17

It would have been monthly if we killed Maiden a couple of days quicker!

  • Although we don't like to speak ill of the dead (unless they become a meme). Journals made two mistakes during his stay. He bet Dennis about a mythic+ mechanic, rookie error. Secondly, he made the statement "ww monk topped during EN" as if Shadow priest didn't exist. And the fact WW wasn't second either!
  • During a late night run of Emerald Nightmare, James and Ed were having their own little adventure picking flowers and killing tentacles whilst we sat at Cenarius. I wish I got to see James having PTSD from the Wailing Caverns quest.
  • During a Nighthold normal 5 man run, Ed filled  the important role of "mechanics bitch" doing anything we didn't want to do. There's a good lad.
  • Ed's brother may have broken up with his girlfriend (Its alright, we are all here for you as nerds.) however, his way of dealing with it was to get himself drunk, and remind us he had been drinking a lot. Drunk btw haHA
  • Lewis was hacked by the way, deleting all of his characters except the one he wanted to play, and 3 characters that had mail on. The definition of hacked has been changed though to mean "logged onto my own account" haHA
  • Hilgert likes women with beards, pass it on.
  • Pawlie is the silent assassin with meming. He will sit quietly in a channel for hours, until he randomly pops up with an Innovate meme. Good lad.
  • Lewis made memes about himself being caught, a vast contrast to the "I'm going to kill myself" tone he had just after he got moved out of the officer channel.
  • Hilgert decided to redefine "doing my paper." It now means pugging normal Nighthold whilst asking us to do it for him. Ezpz.
  • Dan and Chris beat Lewis and Miicas 10-0 in a rocket league private match. The teams seem unfair, until you realise one team wasn't allowed to use boost.
  • hint: it was the winning team.
  • According to popular rumours, Sups took 2.3mil healers to Maiden mythic and they each did 3hps. Some serious skill on display right there.
  • On Mistress we have almost learnt to start single targetting so we are all fully focusing on our single target abilities like divine storm AMIRITE CHRIS?!
  • Hilgert failed to spell youtube correctly.
  • According to studies in James' universities, it doesn't count as sniping if it isn't intentional *insert the Roll Safe meme here*
  • Hilgert decided it was necessary to wowprogress a 946 guy for a pug group. "But Dan, gear is easy to get now he could be bad." Correct, but it might be a bit overboard for a +2
  • During a random night where James and Co. didn't want to sleep, people discovered Doki Doki Literature club, and has led to Matt being even more weeby than ever before!
  • "THIS IS IT" Hilgert just before getting Kil'Jaedens Burning Wish. 
  • "STUPID LEGGO" Hilgert after getting Kil'Jaedens Burning Wish.
  • "I've sapped it already dudes"-Hilgert just before breaking stealth and ninja pulling the pack he had just sapped. 
  • "It's time to get up now darling I've made you fish fingers"- Miicas to James after waking him up with a phone call for ToS normal run.
  • Bonie has started streaming, and has blessed us with some belly dancing and showing us some nipple action. That's the type of bobs I'm looking for Kreygasm.
  • Dennis has become a sexual deviant staring at twitchy bobs all night long!
  • Miicas, Hilgert, Connor and Chris all managed to go on a girls stream and get themselves banned by spamming "Open boobs". Good job guys.
  • Panda got blocked by a girl for calling her bad.
  • The girl in question was going to equip a 900 Sentinal medallion over her much better VH trinket, but Dan is the weird one for saying she is too retarded to be attractive.
  • A group of us ended up watching an animal stream for a while, making pussy on pussy action jokes, and Feral druid jokes, and Abby beating the shit out of James jokes, and watching a cute pug get stuck in a flower pot. Best stream ever.
  • Just kidding, my boy 0oTacocato0 was mowing his lawn, and showing off his sweet fern bushes. That was the best stream ever. Dennis would agree, but there was a bob stream going on somewhere.
  • Riyzom changed name a few more times, then quit the game FeelsBadMan
  • After many years of struggles, many heartbreaks, much blood such sweat many tears, Phallon has put a character in our guild. So whenever you see Phoebiee online, make sure to ask when she is going to start raiding with us because Dan didn't even convince her it was fucking Vrathy asking her.
  • Discojukka came back to take the mantle of Impure's senpai, after Senpai left because Joe was a baddie. Gods sake Joe.
  • Abby works too much, and needs a new job!
  • Cdew managed to get to Blizzcon! He is casting the Arena's PogChamp!
  • Automaticjak struggled to 1 chest a Seat 17 after farming 20s comfortably all night. But Seat is fine and doesn't need a nerf 4head
  • Mistress has died because we decided that being bad wasn't fun. Maiden died too, we stopped being bad for 4 minutes, almost as if thats what the officers said needed to happen for a kill :thinking:
  • Bonie's Ret macro spazzes out whenever he presses it, I never knew I had epilepsy until Bonie streamed some wheelchair gameplay.
  • Panda didn't get promoted to officer after his 2 weeks notice, and has gone to another guild as they will give him officership when he asks. Best of luck buddy!
  • Xades' is still wanting bacon for food, and Dan wants herbs for runes. Water is wet as well. 
  • Jakey has many memes available for invites every day, making Dan's inviting experience much more fun. Disco is also a regular memer too which is why he is an excellent fit.
  • Dennis keeps mentioning rerolling to mage. What a nerd why would any officer reroll to mage for anything amirite?
  • Dan has permanently crossed out Austria, Germany and Netherlands on his world map as none of these countries are familiar with the concept of popcorn chicken. If anyone else lives in part of Satan's land let me know so I can cross you out on my map too. It's hard to find these all alone.
  • Following up from the previous news, Eni Aluko managed to get the England manager sacked for dropping her, but the new manager still won't pick her! Woo that was successful.
  • The English media are still trying to pretend women's sport is competitive.
  • Spurs Drew at the Bernabeu after being written off and look like they will probably get through their group. YEAH FUCK OFF.
  • When Dan talks about football, there is now like 4 people that understand what he is saying, yay!
  • Whenever Arsenal lose, 3 of the officers spend their night watching Arsenal Fan TV together which has taught Jake some voodoo of "TIKITAKATIKITAKA". 
  • Liverpool don't have defensive issues, but conceded 4 goals againts Spurs that were defensive errors.
  • Hilgert said Man City play boring football, winning every game probably would get boring after a while fair enough. 
  • Ronaldo won world player of the year despite the fact Messi was much better than him, and statistically Harry Kane was better than him too. But its fine, it's who you play for not what you achieve personally.
  • Back to WoW news, Dennis playing disc is a true sight to behold, and can deplete any key you can dream of depleting! Or well, not entirely him but he will contribute!
  • Connor and Chris have a new pastime of slow falling demonhunters hoping they will dc themselves. It works most of the time sadly.
  • Orchel joined one of our heroic runs returning to his roots. Good lad.
  • Connor still hasn't rerolled despite the fact he has started asking to. Delete your characters works 100% of the time.
  • Dan got to run a pug with 2 wisdoms Kreygasm
  • Dan averages higher than James in normal ToS despite the fact James is the best in the world PogChamp
  • Dan ranked third in the world on Desolate host normal. I know Jakey gets page one on pretty much every boss, but I dont do it often let me have my moment!
  • Disco got page one on Maiden PogChamp
  • When Maiden died, it seems the general consensus is that lots of people were too busy focusing to realise it had died. Enjoying the fight so much we didn't want it to end!
  • We still haven't cancelled a raid since last news. Dicks out for continued raiding!
Wallflower DOKI DOKI LITERATURE CLUB IS AMAZING, EVERYONE NEEDS TO PLAY IT
Miicas Hype

I can't play wow, so I'll write about it instead!

  • Lewis has made it known that he has died on all progress kills so far, coincidence? I think so!
  • Impure was recently offered the bench and turned it down, I feel this needs to be public knowledge next time he memes.
  • We killed lots of bosses, about 23 progress bosses since last news in fact. Normal does count as progress, right?
  • We have decided to regress on Kil'Jaeden heroic, as we can't seem to kill him on any given Friday night, we suck yay!
  • Dan hasn't succeeded in bringing Phallon back, but has succeeded in recruiting everyone else and their dog to the current team so we have a lot of people.
  • Jake tanks still occasionally lul where is your chicken now?!
  • Dat boi returned, meaning Jake tanks less than he used to, get your chicken out!
  • The other Dat boi left, coincidence? Has anyone ever seen them in the same room?!
  • Riyzom decided to take a break from raiding. You will be dearly missed.
  • Since that break, he has missed a few raids, where have I heard a break going wrong before :thinking:
  • Dan was part of KJ heroic progress and Goroth Mystical progress. Ah thats where I heard it from.
  • Dan killed KJ heroic about 4 days before the guild, get on my level scrubs.
  • James was caught drying his wet pussy at night with a hair dryer. If anyone wants context feel free to ask.
  • Careful guys
  • Careful
  • Careful
  • 12 stacks Cmon guys!
  • We cancelled a raid
  • Riyzom changed his name
  • We cancelled a raid
  • Riyzom changed his name
  • We cancelled a raid
  • Riyzom changed his name
  • We cancelled a raid
  • Riyzom still can't afford a mic :thinking:
  • Lewis finally got Sephuz, killing the meme and instantly no one cares about his sephuz.
  • Neymar cost some average french football team 200 million euros.
  • Whilst Dan was writing the last point, Neymar earnt about 10 euros give or take.
  • Dan wishes he was joking...
  • Arsenal have been great guys and decided to continue being shit in order to give us all more episodes of our favourite tv series: Arsenal Fan TV: Blud Fam Blud.
  • Panda main tanked a boss fight! Zomg PogChamp
  • Panda is never allowed to tank again.
  • Dennis beat Innovate on adds on Harjatan, add holy paladin to the list of specs stronger than havoc
  • Wisdom is fought over heavily in healer chat, especially as we now have 2 wisdoms to fight for!
  • People actually watched Mayweather vs McGregor, despite the fact literally everyone knew A: what was going to happen and B: all the hype before it was staged. People enjoy wasting money I guess *Shrug* 
  • James has admitted to being a woman, good lass.
  • Bonie is offering up his sister for marriage, /w him for more details.
  • Dps is still really inbalanced, because of this Joe is benched for playing frost c:
  • Argus was released, meaning more "optional" content, kill me.
  • Netherlight Crucible has added another layer of RNG on top of all current RNG. I like it this way, we might have to start calling Diablo WoW simulator soon if they add more RNG to it (BRING BACK REFORGING YOU PRICKS I NEED MORE CRIT/MASTERY!)
  • Xades still needs bacon, someone asked the other day as if we suddenly stopped using feasts :thinking:
  • We decided to actually recruit people, meaning we don't cancel anymore. Don't you hate it when the officers prevent you from sleeping at 8pm like a good little boy/girl.
  • Dan rerolled, where have I heard this one before? Don't give me that "It was for the good of the raid team we don't have a shaman" crap!
  • Dan's got an 100% kill rating on sisters when he has had wisdom. Just putting that out there (Hit me up Amembor/Connor)
  • According to a recent survey, the best trinket in game is the Engine of Eradication from maiden, followed closely by Fluctuating energy from Mana Devourer. Mmm balls in and around your face...
  • Rocket League is back bois! I can hear the Eddie G posters going back up on walls across the world!
  • Civ got played this one time, like, twice. 
  • Diablo managed to make a return for a month, Blizzard added necromancer and made it over powered so people would buy it, now it has started to die again rip.
  • Dan decided that having a nice rant about how parses mean fuck all on Desolate host was a good idea, the boss died within the next few attempts. Maybe we should all listen to Dan c:
  • There is a vod of Dan speaking, and he is disciplining all members for not telling him that he sounds like an absolute nob over headset.
  • With Argus, there was a new dungeon added. Seat of the crippled or something. Don't do it, it's a trap.
  • Dennis begs for loot in officer chat when he isn't loot master, I've got my eye on you Dennis!
  • Wtf is mythic+ karma? No serious does anyone actually know?
  • During Mistress progression, our boy Axurliz joined the channel on our best pull asking what we was doing, how it was going, letting us know what he was doing. Good lad! This is why we don't take drugs kids!
  • During the same night, an absolutely smashed Jakeyploops joined discord and seemingly started a relationship with Axurliz, I hope it goes well for them!
  • Pawlie actually had the audacity to question whether Dan's dh was capable of pushing a 13 maw, its my best mythic+ character ffs! D:
  • On mistress this reset, there was only 3 runes available as we didn't really expect to have an hour at her on a wednesday (good job guys, proud of you). The runes went to a very exclusive selection of players.
  • One of the players left after 1 pull of using rune due to 300+ ms, please hang me.
  • Connor returned to the guild, James wanted more wisdom (which he doesn't even get lul)
  • Jorge is back, meaning "Wauw, Jorge" can be said more often. 
  • Jorge's character is called Ayíli, meaning we can continue with "Wauw Jorge" memes forever
  • Arzoak has informed me that NL 14 is not fun with teeming. Sounds like you need Jesus!
  • Journals, our new trial, is a legend according to Journals, our new trial.
  • James did this thing on divinity where he rained and stunned his group. Sounds like a James thing to do tbh.
  • Lewis has made his own mixtape, and is hanging around on street corners in dalaran telling people to check out his mixtape.
  • Dan has received some fantastic friend requests lately. Whilst leveling a new character he received one from Manlover who instantly called him "babe" and during Mistress progression LadyHardon also added him. At least that one was less random.
  • Connor has been back nearly a month now and still hasn't rerolled, he must be ill or something!
  • Wayneruney has won the award for best name in the guild. So much appreciation for that Basso 10/10
  • Women's sport is still irrelevent, even with Eni Aluko trying to cause drama in Englands football because she got dropped LuL
  • Belgium women beat Moldova 12-0, surely at some point one of the moldovans just say "right we are off"?
  • Dennis is still racist against Belgians, and was outraged by this result.
  • Spurs beat Dortmund after being instantly written off after their group was drawn. YEAH FUCK OFF.
  • James married Miicas, I am told it was a lovely ceremony on some second rate mmo.
  • Jakey and Panda are still not officers despite the fact both of them have put in their 2 weeks notice about 4 months ago. Da fuq?
  • Senara spoke one time, Jake made a joke. This is why females mute in our raids.
  • Oneshotyoyoyoyoyo changed his name to Mexx, presumably to avoid confusion when the words "one shot" are said. Obviously "mexxed full no trinket" is still available for us to use though.
  • Fluffy Lemon Noodles late night stool and rope shopping became a thing when we was all at a low point. its a shame Lewis didn't go through with it c:
  • Bullying Lewis is our new favourite pastime, although it is all out of love!
  • Senara doesn't know what popcorn chicken is, if anyone wants to put her on ignore that is completely understandable. 
  • Senara has strong feelings that salted is the only real popcorn and "don't want any of that sweet shit" in her life.
  • Vrathman returned to raid, every raid needs its own regular drunk.
  • On mistress progression, certain players now make reely finny fish jokes to annoy certain people. They shore are boring!
  • James tried to get Dota into the news when I asked for news help. I'm not that fucking desperate jesus.
  • Automatic Jak had to go off the panel in the Mythic+ tourney to bash one out when some disc priests come on. 
  • Havoc is bad in mythic+, but nearly all successful teams had one. Imagine being that good at the game you can win matches whilst still meming?
  • Our boy Sups made an appearance in the tourney, one of the people that decided not to sleep need to let us know what happened.
  • I'm going to end the news on the saddest bit of news over the last few months. After lots of blood, sweat, tears, streams, salt, bitching about bugs, a wedding, and washed up jokes. Cdew has finally failed to get to a blizzcon, meaning the owen five dreams are dead. No Boetar to shit on his life with the bubble at 2% health, or well, Boetar probably got to blizzcon because he isn't washed up but still. Dicks out for Dew.
  • Did I miss something? Write your own news you needing prick!
Impure o Will happily stop bench meme if that fucking happy meme stops.
LesRog Just waiting for Blizzard to announce Ogre's as a playable race...
Wallflower Rip Chuck, blizzcon will not be the same &lt;3

The Monthly News Return!

Eusebeia a posted Jun 14, 17

Apparently when I was drunk or something, I agreed to write news when we killed Guldan mythic. I hate when you guys actually meet my expectations...

  • Elisande died, ezpz!
  • Dan got a 925 tier head off Elisande. Love it when the reliable players get the best luck.
  • Dan rerolled the mage on Gul'dan. Connor is that you?
  • After lots more effort. More blood, swear and tears. We managed to poach more ex-ruined raiders. Don't worry Dan still hasn't poached Phallon back that would make too much sense. Welcome Innovate and Zoee!
  • Innovate is bringing his own little army with him, apparently he wants a fanclub to support him as we kill stuff!
  • Innovate decided to pretend he had transferred to make Zoee transfer then told her he lied. She was mad bruh it was hillarious LuL
  • We have a new priest, Connor decided to do something useful and give him the nickname of Lewroll. 
  • James and Jake are in need of some marriage saving. Their arguments have been getting rather heated in officer chat. 
  • James and Jake both usually pass Maf around like a joint "I've done the maf!" is their point all the time :(
  • Riyzom has chosen to leave us, here are some of his best quotes: "Ok." "Sure." "Not atm".
  • James used to go outside on tuesdays, I don't think he has since the last news where I said he had.
  • Lord Buckethead run for Maidenhead as a candidate. He was faced with stiff competition from Elmo and the representive from the raving monster loony party. Oh and the Prime Minister was there too.
  • Theresa May looked disappointed when Lord Buckethead's votes got counted out, as if that was the biggest fail of the Election.
  • The opposition leaders didn't have it easy either, The Lib Dem leader had to deal with Mr Fish Finger and Jeremy Corbyn had to defeat the monster raving loony party as well as some communists. 
  • UKIP got no seats lol.
  • Germany and France have said "Guys you don't have to brexit if you change your minds". The french then went on to beat England 3-2 in a "friendly" to asert their dominance. 
  • Still can't say the word happy. Early observations show the new guys are going to struggle settling in.
  • Apparently, after over 200 wipes on Gul'dan (lol Gul'dan, we killed him a lot I mean the *spoiler* in the last phase) We finally splattered the *spoiler*! It was a momentus day for the guild.
  • Riyzom left the guild seconds after the kill dream is dead. 
  • Xades Sacrificed himself for the kill, that is true dedication.
  • Senara's real name spreadsheet needs some updating as we have some new members whose real names we already know. If anyone needs help I've got some pointers.
  • After long and tedious arguments, James and Jake could not come to a consensus on whether 4% was a big or small number.
  • Dan found out Oblivion is backwards compatible on Xbox One, and announces he is taking a break from raiding hmmmm :thinking:
  • Dan announced he is taking a few month break from raiding, abort abort the sky is falling we are all going to die!
  • Why don't we use plug dj anymore? Nothing gets us in the mood for raiding like guild bonding over Champagne Supernova.
  • With the football season ending, Arsenal Fan TV is dead. Its okay though, they will bid £100mil for Mbappe to continue the bants!
  • Arsene Wenger is staying, 2 more years boys 2 more years!
  • Dan got another Chvrches album, still listening to them on repeat 90% of the time.
  • Jake might not be main tank anymore FeelsBadMan
  • Last news I made a point in saying world quests give 2 mil ap now. LuL I can get 10mil ez now gg.
  • All of the raid team had concordance in our last raid.
  • All of them.
  • Except one.
  • Fuck you Emil.
  • Exhumed has declined our requests to make an ASMR channel, but instead seems to be making a series based on playing wow and speaking. That'll do, donkey.
  • Emil has still continued to accumilate legendaries over all of his characters. Then there is Dan, who would give a testicle for the frost bracers.
  • For the last 2 wednesdays, we have killed 0 bosses. Wow we are on a downward spiral as a guild gg unsubbing.
  • Research got capped at 40, because having world quests for about 100mil would apparently be stupid or something?! DansGame
  • On fridays we kill heroic bosses still, and people have fits of laughter for minimal reasons. Wai you alwais high?
  • Shadow priest is finally trash, they did it boys project fear won gg.
  • Windwalker is bad too Kappa.
  • Dan still hasn't removed the team two ranks from the guild. Gg really organised.
  • After some simple math. As Dan is bad at disc but averages 87% on heroic. 87% is the benchmark for bad. Aim from 88% or you are a certified baddie.
  • James still can't beat Panda on Krosus despite being a pro feral.
  • It took the officer team 30 minutes to decide what to do with the mount, in which Dennis just ninja'd it gg reported.
  • James runs through fire "Prydaz Moight" is his response.
  • An old member that left because we kept talking over him whispered Dennis congratulating him on his mount. Rigged!
  • It's all rigged I'm telling you!
  • Dan is the best healer in the guild as he got the best healing percentile on Gul'dan. WHERE ARE YOUR NUMBERS NOW, JAMES?!
  • We still have no confirmation on whether hamroll is a serious insult or whether it is just something you say to people when you are hungry in a public place with no food available? Any new thoughts?
  • Fun observation from logs when Dan was playing disc: Dan beat Markus on add damage in the last phase of Gul'dan. Insert Tunnel.png
  • Shakkho is still professional hots carry, and actually gives people invites instead of being selfish! >:(
  • Jakey had his time of month on Gul'dan, it was a pretty messy occasion on Gul'dan. This is what happens when Dennis is rude all the time.
  • We are still waiting for an influx of old players to return for the new tier, but we are just getting lots of new people wanting to join whats going on :thinking:
  • Our most geared player was 917 on Gul'dan and the lowest was 900. A literal difficulty difference :thinkyface: 
  • Dan is too tired to write more words. See if I write it monthly I'm scraping the barrel quicker and I have less to say!

Also, remember future news can still be written by me, but you need to force the other officers to tell me what happens in your raids until I'm back <3

Maharet news names??? i haven't heard of anything and i'm still not in the real name club...
Cugoth Gratz on the green guy in a hoodie killerino

News or Noose?

Eusebeia a posted May 12, 17

I hate all of you. That is all the introduction I have.

  • We have started to get applicants again. Is this because we finally a big deal with our 8/10 mythic progress? Or is it that other guilds are starting to fall apart at summer? Or, probably the most important, is it because we updated our recruitment for the first time in years? Find out next time on dragon ball P
  • Since the last news we have killed Skorpyron Mythic.
  • And Chronomatic Mythic.
  • And Trilliax Mythic.
  • And Krosus Mythic.
  • And High Botanist Mythic.
  • And Spellblade Aluriel Mythic.
  • And Tichondrius Mythic.
  • And Star Augur Mythic.
  • And Odyn Mythic.
  • And Guarm Mythic.
  • No Helya kill because people hate ToV or something rip.
  • Oh and no Elisande kill because we are bad c:
  • Dennis isn't farming AP this patch, don't worry guys he is only close to getting concordance. 
  • Dennis joined a raid on a wednesday???? BUT DENNIS THE RESEARCH IS IN A FEW DAYS!!!!
  • Jake and Jakey spent years trying to get their challenge artifact appearances. Dan walked into his one on priest and was done in less than an hour. Not sure what the fuss was about c:
  • Emil has 31 legendaries or something like that. Seems legit.
  • Cugoth did finally follow through with his "Went through terrain unsubbing" threats. Rip Cugoth forever in our hearts.
  • We had an RBG team for a very brief period of time. Never invite.
  • Senara has evolved from being Reido's mum to the guild mum, encouraging people to be nice to eachother and working productively together. What does it mean?
  • Conjunction only took us a few months to learn on Star Augur, good job guys c:
  • We nearly one shot star augur on wednesday. I wonder what was different about our raid composition this week compared to last week where we had 40 wipes :thinking:
  • Speaking of healers, if you break on 9 stacks on Chrono, some say that James curls up into a ball and cries himself to sleep, hence why we still do it.
  • For the last 2 wednesdays, we have one shot the first six bosses. I can't wait for a customary trilliax wipe in the near future.
  • James goes outside on tuesdays. This is not a drill.
  • Despite being all about that bass, Jake is not trying to chat up Meghan Trainor. So close to having a money grabbing officer FeelsBadMan.
  • Dan is still listening to the same Chvrches album on repeat for the 6th day in a row. Jake assures him he is not bent.
  • Dan spent a few months trying to poach an officer from Ruined, and after months of hard work and dedication, he fucked that up and recruited a different officer from Ruined. Welcome to your first news Fyhr.
  • Reido for some reason has an obsession with the GMs cricket stick. Whether he means a stump or a bat I don't know.
  • In 7.1.5, shadow priest was fucking broken for the first few weeks, then stayed strong for the rest of it. Turns out all those doomsayers were right when they said the spec was dying FeelsBadMan.
  • Bonie returned home, fuck me I should do this more often if this sneaks into my news and is a legitimate point.
  • Jake mains tank now, playing chicken in 2016 LuL
  • We overtook Phallon's guild on progress! Then she cheated and moved so we are behind again. I wish we had a good resto druid :(
  • Ducky returned with a second raid team!
  • Ducky disappeared for irl stuff without his second raid team!
  • Ducky's second raid team dismantled due to Dan asking and receiving permission to borrow one of their raiders for a week. What an absolute hamroll amirite?
  • Blizzard decided the bolstering affix was a huge success, so they added lots of other affixes that works very similar to bolstering (Basically, you can't pull big). Love it when Blizzard has good and not boring ideas.
  • They also added Ilgynoth mythic to the affix list. Shame about the lack of tentacle weebs would be all over that shit.
  • James still wants to reclear Emerald Nightmare mythic, but is unable to communicate with people and make a group for it.
  • We shared an Autistic test around the guild to try getting to the root of the problems with some of the retardedness we have. James was the closest we had to "winning" but still didn't. We must have other issues rip.
  • Frej still didn't return, although this may be because Dan warned him the dangers of wow at the moment. What? I care about the guy I don't want him becoming Dennis in Maw of Souls 25/8
  • Last news I mentioned 400k ap being a lot. LuL world quests giving at least 2mil now ezgame.
  • George went to join a different guild to gear up to help the raid team, then became officer in said guild which had two horrific recruitment macros. By the way, anyone interested in a fresh start with good players?
  • Turns out, if you take James to BRF, on Beastlord he just mutters to himself "No Battle give me the trinket Idza is a disc priest he doesn't need it."
  • If Jake is in the same raid group you can hear "But why do I have to give Karra my trinket just because you are shit at handing out loot?"
  • Demonpunda has a tendancy to make his own pugs, then invite at least two full groups of demon hunters. Demon hunters bis.
  • James and Dennis are still convinced Dan wouldn't be able to clear mythic NH on his demon hunter, despite the fact there is sufficient evidence that all Demon hunters that have killed mythic Guldan are fucking trash. Sigil of Chains seriously?! Why?! Oh and also the fact that the easiest role in the game is tanking ZOMG URSOC IS HARD
  • FeelsVrathMan is still not an emote on discord. Hello officers that understand computers plis?
  • Vrathy decided that it was a good idea to stream Fifa whilst Dan was watching. 
  • Dan's fairly high ability on Fifa declined just by watching the stream.
  • James has a tutorial on russian smilies if anyone wanted to learn ))
  • Alex Hunter is James' fifa camp black footballer. However because of how specific that description is that basically covers Alex Hunter and, well, Ashley Cole I guess.
  • James is a passionate football supporter now. But instead of the conventional choosing a team to support, he just supports whoever Arsenal are playing at the weekend. 
  • James has learnt some new words of Arsenal Fan TV like Blud, Fam and Hamroll.
  • Is hamroll an insult? How would you feel if someone called you a hamroll? leave it in the comments section below.
  • Apparently, Jake is starting up his own ASMR youtube channel where he whispers "James" into the mic during raid break timers.
  • James agrees to play HotS occasionally, despite labelling it as an absolutely trash game. Ironically it was when Dan agreed to stop playing Murky so the game got a lot less fun.
  • Cheryl has been labelled the "Voice of Innocence" by Ed's brother, who no longer has a name he is just Ed's brother.
  • James still refuses to accept he doesn't have a brother.
  • James' steam name is now called Kinder, after him and his 2v2 partner on rocket league got asked if they could be kinder after beating a team 11-0.
  • "I'm 12 btw haHA" became the meme that no one wanted. Special mentions to Panda and Markus for keeping it alive. Kill yourselves.
  • The word "Happy" is still taboo due to our death knight. However, this became a bit awkward when we got a second death knight.
  • Plug dj became a thing for a bit where we would all listen to the same quality bangers at the same time. Bonie always got annoyed at it because apparently plug dj touched him inappropriately as a child. Just saying "we should go on plug dj after the raid ends" was enough he was muting people.
  • Bonie plays a class so simple, mid attempt we always manage to hear a nice puff of vape. I wish I could get a macro for shadow priest then I might not be bad FeelsBadMan
  • James still doesn't have the healing trinket, but it is okay though he doesn't need it.
  • "When driving you look at what is ahead of you not infront of you" James 2017.
  • That quote was probably wrong because using two synonyms to explain something is probably not a smart thing to do.
  • Senara has a real name spreadsheet to keep track of who is who. If anyone is confused give her a poke and she might be kind enough to share.
  • There was this one time where we wiped on Trilliax heroic. That was funny amirite guys?!
  • Our raiders occasionally forget that mechanics are more important than their epeens. By raiders I mean melee c:
  • I'm trying really hard to stop typing James' name but it is just impossible. James got the lifebloom belt, then paired it with the HFC tier. Apparently it works.
  • Phallon wondered why James was so trash on that Star Augur kill. Made a lot more sense when he was 880. It's okay James, we can't all live the old tier sets but still destroying the meters life.
  • I wish you guys would stop talking over me all the time for fucks sake. /gquit
  • Nigel Farage has lost his battle to be relevent. This is a sad day dicks out.
  • Brexit still looks like a shambles, it's okay though all the other European countries feel the same right?!
  • The far right candidate in france lost. I guess it is just Britain fuck.
  • Jake is still waiting to campaign with his Daxit banners. He also has a Wenger out banner too.
  • Shakkho is the professional hots carry, he even puts people in lanes and stuff its crazy!
  • Diablo got ressurrected for a couple of weeks at one point, then died again rip.
  • before it died, Dan got to play Vyr's Archon again. Best week of my life.
  • Dan has spent two hours writing this news and is finally spent on things he can write, except abusing James some more. If you don't like anything I wrote, go write your own news. ))))
Markus Getting mentioned in news made me regain my will to live. Only to be told to kill myself. It's been a good day.
Reido So my dad and now my mum left me, feelsbad
Fyhr more news tomorrow? :d great stuff
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